It was Saturday morning and I was about to take a sip of warm water after 2 hours of getting up, trying to relax and a huge balls is thrown at my face spilling the entire water on me. I gave a nasty stare at my 5 year old brat who just went inside his room saying “Sorry, sorry, sorry mom”. I kept blabbering and simmering for almost 30 minutes and the little monkey was busy playing with that ball forgetting he did anything. If you are mother and reading this, I am sure you could relate to the momentary anger that almost consumes you and ultimately ruins your day. With all this happening around it is difficult to think about positive parenting with calm mind.
I am yet to meet that ideal picture perfect “always keep it together” mom who doesn’t get the tiniest bit annoyed or irritated around their own children. Irritation is a god gifted emotion to mothers and dare i write, wives. It is not possible to always stay calm and positive when your little one is intentionally testing your patience. Happens with me almost every day but despite regular practice at my child’s push and pull of boundaries, I never get used to it!
I know biting, fighting and screaming will not help but it is almost like an involuntary response to stimuli . We all know it is not good but can’t help! We are humans not robots.
Most people read online about how to handle situation or follow recommendation by Child psychologist but all due respect, all that advice is mostly a bundle of hogwash. How can someone help me with my parenting style and with my child who is unique in so many ways? Most researchers say that every child is different so should every mother. I don’t disregard their theory but I am sure my mother didn’t follow most of the so called expert tips and I turned out OK.
I feel that loosing control is sometimes perfectly ok for us since it is our responsibility to raise a good and ethical child and that is not a simple job by any means. This doesn’t mean being over protective or harsh all the time cannot be prevented. During all this not losing control is impossible but there are few ways that could help us be calm and follow positive parenting.
Reason we lose our cool!!
The main reason we lose cool is lack of energy to manage everything. Mothers generally juggle several things in an action packed day and push themselves to the extreme without eating, drinking and sleeping. Keeping their child first is always foremost in their minds but this is a terribly flawed approach. This is the worst thing we could do to ourselves and ultimately to our children.
Having low levels of energy leads to high levels of frustration and anger. This further induces stress and that stage fast approaches when we cannot think much about reacting and responding.
Steps towards Positive parenting – How to induce calm behaviour
Working out refreshes our body and brain. Working out also helps increases stamina and thus your body is able to generate more energy. Once you starts working out, you would notice an increase in stamina also helps in increase in patience. Patience within is the key to everything.
The moment we think exercise, you might feel you don’t have time but doing adding this to out routine is must. Doesn’t mean spending extra dough and joining an expensive gym with a training regime from the getgo (although that will really help). A simple 30 minute brisk walk daily will work wonders in your joints, stamina and attitude
We all push ourselves since we except too much from ourselves and on a daily basis there are so many failures it is quite disheartening. There will always be work and it never ends but finding some quiet moments are absolutely essential. Don’t compare yourselves with others and completely stop playing the comparison game. Just accept yourself and go with the flow. Things would happen whether you want them to or not and even if they don’t, nothing major will change anywhere in your world.
This is an obvious idea but we hardly follow this. It takes a lot of time and awareness to just accept yourself the way you are with all the good things and bad. You might think you do but you don’t. Over the years, I have realized this is the single biggest reason for stress is the constant need to push myself due to a feeling of worthlessness. Be at peace. Something good has happened in your life because of which you are here and have a family. Appreciate yourself to appreciate the world around you. loving yourself is important for positive parenting.
Having a hobby and taking out time to regularly indulge in it is important. Most people don’t have any hobby or it dies when we grow up with added responsibilities. Having a hobby of your own and taking out time not only helps you but it is quite helpful for your child as it explains to him the importance of developing a passion. Who knows, maybe their passion develops into a full time career! Your child might latch on something he likes and it can change his/her life. Positive parenting
Stay connected socially
With nuclear families growing, we tend to stay within ourselves. This makes us lonely and uncaring towards the world. Stay connected with well meaning relatives or have a quirky friend circle which gets you. A trustworthy friend circle is always beneficial to blow off some steam from time to time. Social connections not only make you happy but eliminates negativity since you will have no time left to brood and mope.
Remember how you would just start talking to anyone in the park when you were young and then start playing. How refreshing it was to meet people and enjoy. No expectations and no regrets! Only fun. It is important to enjoy and smile and to not take yourself too seriously.
Experience something new
We are lucky lot! Due to media and the internet we get to hear about something new almost every day. Experiencing something new is always fun and exciting. Change always brings excitement
TV and health
You might have heard that watching TV is not good but I feel that adding a bit of TV time is great. These things are here to entertain us. What is the point of installing a television if you don’t watch it? A movie night with a popcorn at home and a lovely glass of Medium bodied red wine is a great time pass and does bring peace to our mind. Always good to enjoy the finer side of life from time to time.
Move on and stay away from negative thought
It is hard but important that you stay away from negative thoughts. If you feel you are too sensitive and not practical like others and people keep hurting you, you are one of those who don’t let go of things. It is not the world’s responsibility to pull you out of misery but your own If you keep things internalized and hurt yourself, there is a very real chance all that negativity transcends to your children and chances are they have already started showing signs of that negativity though endless screaming matches, disobedience and rude behavior with other kids.
Parenthood ……it is about guiding the next generation and forgiving the pastRead more about 4A’s of Parenting
This is harmful attitude for the entire family and impacts your parenting in bad way. You own child would start taking advantage of this behavior since they know how to push your buttons which even you are not aware of. Remember, parenting and life in general is not about constantly judging the world as being unfair to you. Everyone is fighting his or her own battle and life is hard. Make your peace and move on from negativity.
Be kind to others
All mothers are in same boat. Do not judge others on their parenting styles. You are not perfect nor are your children. Every mother is different and is simply doing the best that she can. If you have a kindness in your heart, it will be reciprocated many times over. I still remember that a friend prepared dinner for me on a night where my husband was away and I was broken with fever. It was the nicest gesture at a time I needed help the most, I was literally in tears at this act of kindness. Given a choice between being kind and being indifferent, always choose the former
Focus on what you can control.
Many people worry about things beyond their control. Whether it is a debilitating disease, a devastating storm or an unstable job market. This kind of thinking will suck your energy dry and you will not have any way to be positive and happy next time when you keep thinking of yourself in such a way, then turn your thoughts towards things that you can control. And instead of being victims of the circumstances, take action. Trust me, it will completely change your life.
Remember Happiness lies within you and cannot be found. Make effort to be happy and calm. For positive parenting, take a pause before you react.