A D-Day usually signifies a day on which an important operation begin or something iconic took place. My D-Day was the day I gave birth to a little brat. He is now four and I really don’t know why I didn’t write about this earlier.
The iconic event in my life took place more than 4 years ago which made me understand that a human has capability to go loose it completely and go off track. Little did I know, that was just the beginning and my life is about to turn upside down.
Who was I?
I was quite a lazy woman, majorly because of exhaustion at work with no hobbies. I always focused on career and never wanted to be a mother. Used to love my job, it was fun to juggle with numbers. No, I was not in finance but sales and yes it is a number game. My job required me to work day and night, talking to clients and generate revenue. At the end of every year till August 2015, I came back home with a good pay cheque and big smile (Thanks to bonus and commissions)
I had a wonderful pregnancy, Yes! You heard it right! It was a good experience and completely enjoyed it. I was healthier and ate healthy & enjoyed going to work. I had a glowing face and thick hair. Almost everything was nice except the unusual fatigue, exhaustion, snoring, mood swings etc. These were none of concerns, they were for my husband. He handled everything calmly or say with anger (I didn’t bother much)
Unlike typical Indian family, where when you get pregnant, you have your mother (my mother is no more) and your mother-in-law supporting you and sometimes pampering you, I had no one by my side and I continued this journey alone with advice from Babycenter (no I didn’t get paid to write their name).
I was confident, excited and scared and had no one to share these feeling since there was no women who could help me. My sister-in-law was giving birth the second time, and she was managing it quite well but around me were only scary stories.
The only person I trusted completely was my gynecologist, she was good and expensive. She told me that everything was fine and got paid only for saying that. 5% of my monthly salary was going to her pocket. Money can surely buy peace of mind sometimes.
I had a lady boss and it seems she was good at inception, she planted one thought “AIM for Normal delivery” and it worked wonders for me.
One fine day I came back from office late night and was working till 1.00 am, I felt little pain and that was it. The D-Day was here. I was not prepared and scared like hell. On top of everything, I was hungry, VERY HUNGRY. All scary stories haunting me. I couldn’t even rest for a bit and decided to do some exercise and pack my hospital bag. Here is the checklist to help you pack yours for the D-Day.
By the time it was seven in the morning, contractions had increased and we decided to go hospital. I always hated going to hospital and this time I couldn’t make any excuse.
I was admitted 7 in the morning and was happily enjoying pain thinking this is manageable. Around 2.00 pm in afternoon, I hear myself requesting my doctor to just go for Cesarean but she refused. That was it, I decided to opt for pain killers. A needle was injected and I could hear noises fading around me. It felt like heaven and every minute was thanking the person who developed that pain killer. It was BIG relief.
Finally, I gave birth around 6 in the evening and was happy thinking ” IT IS OVER”. Now came the “D-Day’s side effects”
First day was exhaustion, second was worse and alone in the hospital made it more difficult. I had my husband and my dad waiting outside and every time ready to help but they couldn’t do much.
As far I remember, it was just exhaustion for 8 months with only few moments of happiness.
Early days was mostly feeding the baby all day or handling colic episodes throughout along with poop and puke all over my bedroom. I wish I could have known about colic remedies before I gave birth. Now I know and here are few home remedies that could help you handle colic episodes.
I remember the 10th day since it is difficult to wipe that memory. My son pooped and then puked and when I cleaned everything, another episode of puke. Entire night was just cleaning. I wanted to sleep but colic episodes couldn’t let me sleep. There was no one only around except darkness and crying sounds.
During the day, I had few visitors who came to bless the baby and it was great to meet them. There were close friends and relatives which were expected to turn-up and they ditched making strange excuses.
Finally, I was on maternity leave so work could take a back seat.
I came back home from hospital with everything messed up and had a terrible episode leaving hospital. It was lucky to have a cook so food was taken care off. I thought, it is time to start focusing on regaining health but there I was not happy with vibes and aura at home. It took me sometime to understand my mood swings. There were few people who tried to help me but were complete failure, don’t know if it was them or me.
New parents put lot of thought before they name their little ones but I hardly had time to think and so without much thought we just got the birth certificate done with first name which came to my mind.
During the first month, I fought with my husband atleast 10 times causing more stress.
More to come
After a month, we decided to visit my in-laws and stay there for few months. (there was lot of push from people around). Well, Yes! It was not worth making that trip. Travel exhaustion, unfriendly city, and inconvenient place, I felt stuck. I wanted to come back home as soon as possible. The only good thing was supporting weather. Weather was so nice and gave a feeling of warmth and relaxation. I felt so lucky that maternity leave is just 3 months and I had an excuse to come back home. HOME SWEET HOME.
The third month got over and Colic episodes increased. OMG! I just had it. I decided to give up and run. I was depressed and didn’t know anything about postpartum depression. Infact, I didn’t know I am depressed. I wanted to sleep and delete the D-Day like it never happened. I hated being a mother. I wanted my life back but sadly couldn’t.
Maternity over –
Now back to work: ready for more crap
Finally, I went back to work. Some relief. It was great meeting colleagues and friends. It was great opening my laptop and sitting without the baby for 2 hours. Yes! I went only for two hours.
I had tears in my eyes while returning home and I didn’t understand why I was upset. I came back to my baby and felt good. spend time with him and enjoyed it.
Things change and life became more hectic. Now, I had no time to breathe. I had no time to sleep…….it was Baby, work and household work.
It was just constant running and failure. Professional, I got no support from management. I was expecting some support for few months. I had spent more than 5 years in growing that company and gave all my time and effort and they didn’t give me few months. Personally, all expectation were dead, now was loneliness and depression. I always had my husband and dad by my side but guess we always need more.
My husband could see me down and so planned a vacation. YES! It was relief and suddenly, I did feel like putting effort and trying to find my happiness.
No time for health
I was putting my mind into work and baby but unfortunately, my health was left behind and I was always tired which meant more irritation and no fun. I didn’t want to leave my work and couldn’t leave the baby. For a year, I did juggle and tried to do best at both sides. To an extent, I did succeed but didn’t know for how long could I do it.
In between we had episodes of baby falling sick and being nebulized. It was heart breaking to see him like this.
One morning, I was changing the diaper and saw my son pooping blood, I had shock of my life and for the first time heard about dysentery.
Yes! There were some sloppy relatives calling asking for health but it was all irritating. I was so could see the fake and or the hell formality. I had one of cousin sister, who shifted to Canada gave me lot of support and talking to her was always helpful.
Giving up was solution
Professional things were fine but it was not the same. I was working but my projects were been transferred to a stupid bald person (Yes, he is an idiot). It was more depressing to see my hard work passed on to someone who doesn’t even deserve it. I took a step, I resigned.
Effects of D-Day continued. I had no job in hand and I resigned. With a gloomy mood, I was sitting at home. Between all this, my little brat started crawling and it brought a smile on my face.
I was completely pumped once again and started looking for part-time work. So now less number of hours going to work and well-balanced life but still something was missing.
A direction and something new in life
After a year, I started writing and created this blog. This blog just completes me and I love my readers.
I started writing a year ago. I love the fact that because of the little one, I now am healthy, happy and a human with lot of patience than before. My old reflects me and I am able to bring out best in him.
I do regret not being healthy enough after my pregnancy and this is the only piece of advice, I would give to a new mother. FOCUS ON YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
The D-Day side effects still continue and I do have some hormonal issues but all this pain is worth it when I look at my son.
Yes! There are few people who are like Voldmort (the one not to be named) to me, who are worthless and selfish. This pregnancy did open my eyes and allowed me to move on.
I know most mothers have an interesting story about their D-Day and I would love to read them so leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
This post is dedicated to all mother who are determined and are working towards growth of their family.